


just fall apart if you need to

by mitochondrials



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Gen, Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-18 15:26:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18702340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitochondrials/pseuds/mitochondrials
Summary: In the wake of Thanos' snap, Steve and Pepper find some solace within each other.





	just fall apart if you need to

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Tony Stark Bingo 2019 challenge, Square K4: Shared Trauma. 
> 
> The title is a lyric taken from the song "Hold On Forever" by Rob Thomas. 
> 
> And also big Thank You to Rebelmeg for beta'ing <3

It was strange how once Steve recognized his own agony shared in the eyes of his friends and strangers alike that he finally understood maybe he did enjoy being stuck in the past. Grief was strange that way, when you knew what to call it. When, more importantly, you decided to accept it.  
He insisted his suffering was a unique case - and in many aspects it was - but he was not unique for mourning a time gone by. And now Bucky was gone, for the third time, literally ashes slipping between his fingers. Peggy was dead, forever resting after a peaceful life.  
How many soldiers died out there, once upon a time back during the war? How many men came back lost, also missing in time between the before and after? How many children, how many spouses and how many lovers and how many familieswere left behind after their soldiers died?

Maybe he was unique but he wasn't special.

  
"I'm," Steve swallowed thickly, avoiding meeting Pepper Pott's eyes as they both decided to meet inside the Avenger's Compound. It already felt like weeks since half the population had dusted out of existence, but yet it'd only been three days. Several people were counted missing, possibly killed during the casualties losing half of all life in a single second ended up causing. They were down to a third of the population of all life on Earth, and Steve had no idea how to compartmentalize that.

Pepper Potts and Happy Hogan had both survived, thankfully. So, Natasha had offered they stay together here at the Compound. Take care of one another, help each other through the pain. It also just so happened that there was a chance Tony might still be alive, lost somewhere out in space. Thor and Rhodes were taking care of it while Steve helplessly offered himself to Pepper’s wrath. To whatever Pepper dished out at him.

"I'm sorry." He finished. He didn't know what else to say.

Pepper gave a laugh. It was neither bitter nor amused, but rather more like it was the only way she could control the grief contained inside of her. "Please, Steve. You don't have to do that. I know you and Tony weren't on the best of terms but this wasn't your fault. This, this is all Tony." Her voice grew fond, then. Soft and barely audible. He noted the dark circles under her eyes and her oil-ridden hair pinned in a messy bun, hanging low over the top of her neck.

"I'd have to disagree." Steve countered, digging his heels in the sand as it were. There was a part of him that resented always looking youthful and glowing. He deserved to look as awful as his heart felt. "It was our fault. Together. We never seemed to make it work as a team, but we were always better together than apart. The Avengers would have been ready to face this if it weren't for us splitting everyone apart."

He hesitated to say if it weren’t for him lying. The accords was a bag of worms, and still Tony came when he needed him most. It was Steve’s inability to pull his head out of his own ass that fortified Tony hating him, probably, well probably forever.

"Oh, don't think I'm not pissed at you, Rogers!” She called him out, seeming to know him like an old book. (Heh, good one.) “But there was no guarantee anything would've changed, would it? It's really not as black and white as you want it to be. Or as simple. Look, I'm tired and it's late. So, unless there's something pressing, I'd prefer if you'd take a seat, or leave, and just let me rest." She then said sharply, despite gesturing to the love seat next to her.

He may have felt awkward doing it, but he chose to sit while silently tugging at the front of his jeans. Then he coughed. "Do you wanna play some Atari? Uh, it's -" He wanted to say archaic and make some terrible joke about Tony being insulted by the mere mention of it. Yet what did he know? "It's a distraction." He said instead.

"Yeah?" Pepper surprised him.

He blinked and then nodded, purposely avoiding her gaze. "Yeah."

\---

Pepper was intimidating, just like Peggy, Steve thought with a bitter kind of reverence. They’d met a few times when Tony summoned him for a uniform fitting. Small little meetings like that where Pepper would be arguing with Tony over a business merger and Steve would be lost between the three different conversations happening at once.  
Drowned in the glow from the old Toshiba model television, now, when there was nothing besides the whimsical Mario Kart music and their angry muttering, she was mostly tired and what Steve concluded was sad.

  
She was also kicking his ass. She kicked his ass at everything: Atari, then the Sega he remembered Sam had hidden downstairs, and then Super Mash Bros. when Pepper insisted they go get her old N64 that somehow survived amongst all the chaos. Clearly he was just as terrible at Super Mario Kart N64.

"I'm surprised Tony's never asked you to play." Pepper said while conventielly blue shelling him right off the road. Damnit. He was going to pick Rainbow Road every single time it was his turn to pick the course just at a chance of winning once, so help him.

He snorted, and out of the corner of his eye he caught Pepper smirking. "Sam loves watching me play Wii U Sports. He says I play exactly like an old man, only younger and with more perfect proportions. I’m unsure if he’s being an ass or trying to finally make a pass at me." He said. Then, as reality punched him the gut almost immediately, "He loved watching me play Wii U Sports, that is.”

"We - I, have an unopened Switch."

“No,” Steve shakes his head. “It’s alright. Still just, just fresh.” It’d barely been two weeks since they failed to defeat Thanos.

Her hand curled around his forearm gently. Awkwardly. They were nestled against the small sofa center of the television that Steve had dragged in from the common room. He figured no one else was using it, so why the hell not?

"I didn't just play with Tony," She shot a glance at him and looked then down towards where her feet were tucked under a blanket. "The other employees loved doing tournaments on weekends. You know how Tony liked to isolate himself all the time in his workshop, but most days I was inside the office when he didn’t need to see me directly in person. I'd spend the weekdays with them - Jim, and Tabatha. So many people, Steve." Her voice hitched. She refused to cry, it seemed. A feeling Steve knew far too well.

He took her hand in his, giving it a light squeeze. "You have to beat my ass in order, Ms. Potts. I’m pretty sure we have several consoles to go before we’re at the Switch.” He joked because he wasn’t sure what else to say. Words were never his strong suit outside of a warzone. He couldn’t be like Tony, regardless of how much he wished he could be right at this very moment.

Pepper gave a soft chuckle, seeming to understand. "You should try playing Zelda. I loved watching Let’s Plays of Majora’s Mask. It’s nice watching someone fall in love with something you love too. Tony never quite had the attention span. Or, more than likely, they were too easy for him to beat. And, well, I kept forgetting to make him try Fire Emblem. Being Iron Man took up so much of his time."

"Sure." He agreed easily. “I think I can manage an NPC, right?”

“Oh, you’ll be fine. Zelda’s all about the story and puzzles. Easy.” She reassured sarcastically before getting up to fetch the cartridge.

Sure, Steve mused. For once, they had all the time in the world. 


End file.
